"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so". – William Shakespeare, Hamlet.

In the last article, we discussed Rule 1: "I am deserving of care, and I am capable of caring for myself." We explored how our need for care arises from life's inevitable challenges and how our evolutionary negativity bias draws us to recognise danger over peace. We also examined how denying these experiences can lead to disconnection and how resistance contributes to a large portion of our suffering, often by assuming that things shouldn't have happened the way they did.
This brings us to Rule 2: "Each step I take is an opportunity for growth; there are no wrong turns." This rule emphasises the importance of accepting and letting go of the past to enable ourselves to flourish. It does not advocate ignoring or denying the past, but rather suggests that how we reflect on past experiences determines our level of peace. By focusing our energy on things we can change and noticing when we get lost in the mind-made stories, we can cultivate inner peace.
Before diving deeper, let's discuss alignment: the congruence between what we think, how we act, and what is true. When these elements are aligned, we live in harmony with ourselves and reality. If our thoughts and actions are not in alignment, we suffer the consequences, as we unwittingly deceive ourselves. Moreover, if our thoughts and actions do not align with the truth, we will suffer every time reality contradicts our beliefs. This does not mean we are inherently wrong or bad; it is simply another layer of conditioning; one we will explore further in Rule 4.
It may seem obvious, but most people do not live in alignment with their thoughts, actions, and reality.
To illustrate this, consider the question: "Do I believe that wishing the past to be different will change it in any way?" It is essential to ponder this question thoroughly and honestly.
Intellectually, most of us understand that it is impossible to travel back in time and change what has happened. We cannot wish the past to be different. However, examining our day-to-day experiences reveals that we often get caught in unhealthy emotional relationships with the past. This indicates that somewhere in our minds, we believe that wishing the past were different will make it so, leading us to lose our peace. Why?
Regret and guilt are normal emotions that arise when we recognise that we have caused harm. These emotions serve as signposts that guide us toward our values and provide motivation for change, helping us work and live together. Ideally, we would reflect on past events, make appropriate adjustments, and move forward. Unfortunately, this is not how most people live.
Instead, we often ruminate on regret and guilt, replaying past events and continually beating ourselves up for them. We get stuck in "what if" scenarios, running countless, futile alternative scenarios about the past. This fixation on the past is directly linked to a lack of perspective, which can lead to shame. We start defining ourselves through past events, believing we must punish ourselves for something we have no control over—the past.
However, we can liberate ourselves when we recognise the pointlessness of rumination and shame - we stop investing in them, freeing up energy to move forward and take action. The truth is that each moment is instantly washed away and replaced by another in a continuous flow of changing experiences.
The mind's tendency to cling to and suffer from past events, whether great or difficult, prevents us from living fully in the present.
By treating each mistake and situation as a moment of learning and a potential tool for growth, we can become unstoppable forces for good. This perspective allows us to leave each moment open, unencumbered by labels and judgments, and ultimately live in peace with our experiences.

However, this process is not always easy, especially for those who have experienced trauma. Patience, effort, care, and even professional help may be necessary to work through difficult past experiences.
Mindfulness practice can help us cultivate this perspective. In meditation, we set our intentions, let them go, and allow our experiences to unfold. It is common to get caught in the belief that we are doing something wrong or experiencing something incorrectly.
True meditation involves noticing these thoughts and understanding that the twists and turns are what make up our lives.
We often expect meditation to follow a straight path, but life rarely moves in straight lines. Meditation is about observing each moment as it unfolds without preference, expectation, or judgment.
As an analogy, think of throwing a feather from a top-floor window. If we determine the landing place in advance, we will wish and will the feather to stop turning and flowing, we will complain when it moves away and happy when it moves back, every gush of wind becomes an enemy, and the feather is going to land where it lands anyway. Conversely, if we can simply watch the feather float and fall, observing the movements without expectation, then we enjoy the show, we can watch it dance its unique dance all the way to the ground.